BOWIE VS. DYLAN
Ep42: 2008 - Nothing! Absolutely Nothing! vs. Tell Tale Signs or The Pulitzer Prize-Winning Choose Your Own Adventure of 2008

Ep42: 2008 - Nothing! Absolutely Nothing! vs. Tell Tale Signs or The Pulitzer Prize-Winning Choose Your Own Adventure of 2008

December 1, 2019

Bowie vs. Dylan CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE #42

Page 1:  David Bowie and Bob Dylan embark on a grand tour of the year 2008.  Choose which approach, euphemistically speaking, that they take to find out what happens next; try and imagine what both entirely different artists would feel during this year collectively, that is, as a combined force although they barely ever met and didn't know one another at all. A.) A pensive yet flippant attitude of worthwhile nothingness and paternal obligations (page 38) B.) Hopeful yet immediately regretful of some vague notion of change (page 65) C.) Combing one's hair in that classic style (page 101) D.) Neverendingly touring (page 3,072).  

FLIP TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!

Page 38: Both artists, together, perhaps arm in arm, wander near a tiger pit and accidentally fall in. Both die.  Begin at page 1.

Page 65: Bowie approaches an evil mastermind in his technologically advanced lair, smiling all the while as a show of good faith towards the villain, while Dylan covers him using an antique hunting rifle.  Both die.  Begin at page 1.

Page 101: Dylan climbs a beautiful, tall mountain against the violent urging of a strangely paranoid Bowie, who is responding to some unseen but surely felt intuition brought to him seemingly on the wind.  Regardless, Bowie follows Dylan to the peak out of a sense of duty and human decency, and sure e-frickin-nough, that mountain was a volcano and it erupts.  Both die.  Begin at page 1. 

Page 3,072: Bowie has a nice time at home while Dylan tours the world and releases a pretty sweet Bootleg Series.  Both die, but not in the year 2008, on this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.

Conversation Piece - Unboxing at Its Questionable Finest

Conversation Piece - Unboxing at Its Questionable Finest

November 16, 2019

Hello, fine lads and lassies, 'tis time once again to gather round for a good old fashioned unboxing in the grand old style. Hit the jump for a video the like of which you've not seen in many a moon.

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Ep41: 1995 - 1.Outside vs. MTV Unplugged or the Faux-Industrial Grab-Bagging of 1995

Ep41: 1995 - 1.Outside vs. MTV Unplugged or the Faux-Industrial Grab-Bagging of 1995

November 15, 2019

Scene: Inside the gameplay of a state-of-the-art, immersive virtual reality experience available on 7 CD-ROMs, particularly the 4th CD in the series of 7.

Bob Dylan: Hey fans.  Come along on an epic virtual journey with me, Bob Dylan, by watching this grainy, pixelated music video from 1986, available to view when you enter the door of 1961-era Cafe Wha?

David Bowie: NOT DARK ENOUGH, man.  Where, for example, are the gutted pigs, the shaved heads, the too-long trench coats, over-saturated color pallet?

Bob Dylan: What?  Are those words that you just said?  I can only assume that it has something to do with this archival photo of me, Bob Dylan, at Columbia Records Studios circa 1962 waiting for you in a dirty bathroom in Greenwich Village?

David Bowie: OOOOOOH, that does sound goth.  Goth is really in right now, says my best friend Trent Reznor.  Trent, come on over and play this game with me, it's really goth, man, really goth.  

Trent Reznor: You know, I would?  But I've got a date with Marilyn Manson to hang each other by giant hooks in a rotting meat locker by our belly buttons.  So...

Bob Dylan: How does that work?  Who goes first?  How does the second person get hung when the first one is already up there?  

David Bowie: Really goth, man, really goth.  I'd rather do that than bow to the establishment like a bloody sheeple wallowing in society's constraints.  I'm not playing my hits, so DON'T EVEN ASK!

Bob Dylan: I'm playing my hits...

David Bowie: Erm, well, me too, but not until 2000 or so, but until then, DON'T EVEN ASK.

Trent Reznor: In order to continue, please change to disc #5, on this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.

Ep40: Bowie vs. Dylan or the TOP TEN ERAS OF THEIR ENTIRE CAREERS

Ep40: Bowie vs. Dylan or the TOP TEN ERAS OF THEIR ENTIRE CAREERS

November 1, 2019

We here at Bowie vs. Dylan want to present to you a VERY special episode wherein Chaz and Jake rank the Top Ten Era/Phases/Whims/Career Choices of David Bowie's and Bob Dylan's career, and you're welcome to listen to it, because it's a TOP TEN LIST, and we believe it to be of similar quality to all the other podcasts that came before.  

But we must warn you, the podcast is turning 40 today, and even though over the last two centuries the life expectancy of podcasts has literally doubled, and there is ample revolutionary medicine and surgeries available that podcasts of the past could not have even imagined, and 40 is the new 27.5, statistically, and at least as far as podcasts are concerned, I mean, have you seen that Bowie vs. Dylan lately?  What a listener.

Anyway, but since the podcast is turning 40 today, we have to warn you that it's OVER THE HILL.  And that suddenly there's too many candles and not enough birthday cake.  And that it knows that it's 40 because the only weight-lifting it does is from standing up.  And that it's twice as sexy as two 20-year olds.  And that it's NOT 40, but actually 39.95 plus shipping and handling.  And that it will enjoy it's first colonoscopy.  And that it's not 40, but actually 18 with 22 years of experience.  

40!!!  It's all downhill from here!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, these jokes never get old like a 40-year old, on this episode of Bowie vs. Dylan.

Ep39: 2017: Cracked Actor Redux vs. Triplicate or The Running, Stretching, Podcasting, and Beer-Drinking of 2017

Ep39: 2017: Cracked Actor Redux vs. Triplicate or The Running, Stretching, Podcasting, and Beer-Drinking of 2017

October 15, 2019

This podcast about Bowie and Dylan in the year 2017 is presented to you, dear listeners, as a triple album, each LP containing clearly defined themes that feed one to another, and then back again from the end of LP #3 to the start of LP #1, so that you'll be stuck in an endless feedback loop of listening to this specific podcast for the rest of eternity.  

Wherein: Bowie is again a Cracked Actor, Dylan is again Born Again Again; Bowie returns to the early 70's; Dylan returns again to the 1940's and 50's again, and once again, and then again again, and then again once more for good measure.

Here's a sneak preview of each podcast LP's incredibly varied and easily identifiable and classifiable themes, just in case you want to know what you're getting into as you prepare to listen to this podcast and nothing else for the rest of your life:

LP #1: authentically smooth, mid-tempo, jazzy, non-improvised croony-tunes that Frank Sinatra may or may not have sang at some point.

LP #2: authentically smooth, mid-tempo, jazzy, non-improvised croony-tunes that Frank Sinatra may or may not have sang at some point.

LP #3: authentically smooth, mid-tempo, jazzy, non-improvised croony-tunes that Frank Sinatra may or may not have sang at some point.

A real humdinger, folks, on this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.

Ep38: 1979 - Lodger vs. Slow Train Coming or the Great Vengeance and FUUURIOUS Anger of 1979

Ep38: 1979 - Lodger vs. Slow Train Coming or the Great Vengeance and FUUURIOUS Anger of 1979

October 1, 2019

Bowie plays it cool and wavy in Berlin (but not really Berlin) while Dylan gets hot under the collar for Jesus in the year of Dylan's lord 1979.  There's obviously a lot to unpack in this episode of Bowie vs. Dylan, but the question on everyone's lips in this: Why DOES Jake has a slight but pronounced issue with Brian Eno?  

Well, not to ruin the surprise, such as it is, but it's really just a feeling with no concrete evidence whatsoever beyond a solid and uncompromising body of work.  I mean, Jake really should like him just fine, and I guess he does, but he doesn't totally, he told me so, in a confidence that I am now gratuitously breaking.  And spoiler alert, Eno is Chaz's #2 all-time musician overall?!  What?  Now Jake has told me he's upset again, after cooling off considerably since they recorded the podcast, and he tells me to tell Chaz that he's not speaking to him until they both take a few weeks to think it over and make sense of this mess.  

How does that make you feel, Chaz, of this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan?

Ep37: 1985 - Dancing in the Street vs. Empire Burlesque or the Live Aid We Are the Worlding of 1985

Ep37: 1985 - Dancing in the Street vs. Empire Burlesque or the Live Aid We Are the Worlding of 1985

September 15, 2019

Sad Middle Aged Man #1: Calling out around the world!

Sad Middle Aged Man #3: Are you ready to suck at Live Aid?!

Sad Middle Aged Man #2: Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah BLAH BLAH!

All Sad Middle Aged Men: For dancing in the street!!

Sad Middle Aged Man #1: They’re dancing in LONDON!

          Backup Sad Middle Aged Mens #2 and #3: Sucking at Live Aid…

Sad Middle Aged Man #2: They’re dancing in PHILLY!

          Backup Sad Middle Aged Mens #1 and #3: Sucking at Live Aid…

Sad Middle Aged Men #3: They’re dancing in wherever the hell I am, I can’t really tell, Ronnie Wood is here?  New York, maybe, does Keith Richards know where we are, whoa, he doesn’t know where anybody is, I think I’d bet-

All Sad Middle Aged Men everywhere: All we hear is music! Sweet music! There’ll be music EVERYWHERE, on this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan!

Ep36: 2005 - Nothing! Absolutely Nothing! vs. No Direction Home or The Multiple Choice Documentation of 2005

Ep36: 2005 - Nothing! Absolutely Nothing! vs. No Direction Home or The Multiple Choice Documentation of 2005

September 1, 2019

We here at Bowie vs. Dylan like to keep it light, you know, with delightfully frivolous lamentations such as the following: What really IS a choice anyway?  Does it need to be more than one?  Is one sufficient to make a choice?  If there's only one option, but one chooses not to choose it, and instead chooses no choice, is there an inherent binary anyway?  And if so, is there any such logical thing as no choice?  Why does Bowie like his hair to look like the halcyon bygone days of Jon Bon Jovi in 2005?  What exactly are the criteria of the so-called "Dave-cation?"  Why does Dylan tour with his old buddies/frenemies so often while on no sort of vacation?  Why did he give cryptic but strangely revealing interviews in 2001 only to disavow a project based on them helmed by none other than Martin Scorsese in 2005?  What exactly is the difference between PBS and the BBC anyway, I mean really, like, spiritually?  Why does Chaz smell so bad? What is the nature of life, but moreover, living?

Hey, no big deal, we're just spitballing here, on this 2005 edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.

Ep35: 1999 - Hours vs. Nothing! Absolutely Nothing! or the Adult Contemporary Obie Awarding of 1999

Ep35: 1999 - Hours vs. Nothing! Absolutely Nothing! or the Adult Contemporary Obie Awarding of 1999

August 15, 2019

Welcome to the 1st Annual BvD Obie Awards, an unnecessary and confusing side entry award appendage to the Actual Obie Awards!  Presented posthumously, back-dated 20 years to 1999. Our presenting sponsor is nobody.  

Best Adult Contemporary Album Sandwiched In Between Two Industrial-Lite Albums in the Year of Our Lord 1999, Award: David Bowie

Best Attempt at Killing Oneself Through Never-Ending Never-Ending Tours in the Year of Our Lord 1999, AwardBob Dylan

Best Line Reading of a Lost Crappy-Cheap Crime Movie Trailer Featuring Iffy New Jersey Gangster Accents, Nomination: Jake, Bowie vs. Dylan Podcast

Best Early 70's BBC Announcer Accent For the Duration of a Strange 1966 Bob Dylan Interview Featuring Not-A-BBC-Announcer InterviewerNominationChaz, Bowie vs. Dylan Podcast

Best New Original Podcast Featuring Two Brothers Discussing David Bowie and/or Bob Dylan, Nomination: Bowie vs. Dylan

Best New Original Podcast Featuring Two Brothers Discussing David Bowie and/or Bob Dylan, Award: Vacant, No Suitable Candidates

Best Listener Experience Of All Time, Not Just in the Year of Our Lord 1999, But Forever; Hey, Send Us an Email Why Don't You, Award: You, our dear listeners, on this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.

Ep34: 1972 - David Bowie Presents: The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and The Spiders From Mars vs. Nothing! Absolutely Nothing! or the Ziggy Stardusting of 1972

Ep34: 1972 - David Bowie Presents: The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and The Spiders From Mars vs. Nothing! Absolutely Nothing! or the Ziggy Stardusting of 1972

August 1, 2019

We here at Bowie vs. Dylan want you to stop us if you've heard this one before: Two well-meaning podcasters record a perfectly okay episode involving the comings and goings of David Bowie and Bob Dylan in the year 1972.  They drink a beer with one hand, pat themselves on the back with the other, and call it a day.  

Except: the digital file stored on the voice memos portion of a state-of-the-art iPod 4 becomes somehow corrupted and refuses to transfer to one of the well-meaning podcaster's computer hard drive.  This podcaster furiously attempts to uncorrupt the ostensibly but allegedly corrupt file, which nonetheless proves itself literally corrupt and thereby unretrievable.  The first podcaster hides the corruption from the second podcaster, who is prone to tantrums and various hissy fits, by attempting unethical bribes and outright witchcraft to avoid what becomes unavoidable, which is that the two podcasters must surmount all odds and just, you know, record it again.

It's a tale as old as time.  Have you heard that one?  You haven't.  You haven't heard the first podcast.  No one has, and no one ever will, until that fine day when the super-deluxe edition of Bowie vs. Dylan arrives in the year 2069.  You'll have to settle for the second one for now, and hope that it provides you, dear listener, with the information that you crave about Bowie and Dylan in 1972, on this revised edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.

Ep33: 2009 - VH1 Storytellers vs. Together Through Life and Christmas in the Heart or OH MY GOLLY IT MUST BE SANTA!!! of 2009

Ep33: 2009 - VH1 Storytellers vs. Together Through Life and Christmas in the Heart or OH MY GOLLY IT MUST BE SANTA!!! of 2009

July 15, 2019

We here at Bowie vs. Dylan bet you thought you could just skip past the storytelling parts of this special VH1 Storytellers podcast and get to, like, the music, man.  Well, too bad for you, because VH1 Records (still a thing, sure) demanded that we list all of the tracks on this episode as containing both the story AND the telling, but also whatever song comes after.  Lot of story, a lot of telling, precious little music is how they roll.  Also, podcasts don't have much music in them, man.   Podcasts are by their very nature a spoken word medium, because of the 1st amendment.  Ever heard of it?  And, music is extremely challenging to license for podcasts, especially ones with 40 listeners who are just dying to get shouted out on air for sending us emails at bowievsdylan@gmail.com.  Finally, its expensive, dang, we here at Bowie vs. Dylan tried to call Bowie's and Dylan's management about using just a little taste of that sweet non-spoken word manna from heaven they call music, but-

SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNTTTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAAA!

Just arrived in our hearts, got to go, enjoy this Christmas in July episode of Bowie vs. Dylan.

Bowie in the Year 2019: Releases So Far

Bowie in the Year 2019: Releases So Far

July 5, 2019

So here we are, half way through the Year of Our Lord 2019. It's been a stupidly prolific year for our man Bowie and it seems like a good time to take a look at what the Bowie kingdom has been tossing out so far to an unprepared and largely unappreciative world. And hey, we'll also take a peek at what's to come for the second half. Why not?

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